Sunday, December 20, 2009

Honesty & Relationships

Today will be the first and last time that I ever write a note & blog about my personal life where I admit I am wrong. I have never been one to kiss & tell but today I will do just a bit of that…Tell only. If you think I am wrong, include your advice it’s always good to hear other’s opinions.

I guess the snow can bring out the best and in some cases the worst of some couples, because this weekend a very good friend has been going through a lot and I have been listening until last night where I just had to be real. You see my friend is thinking about leaving the person she is with over what seems to be petty issues. You know the issues that should and can be fixed with just a little talking.

The question posed to me was how I remain happy when I am single. She laughed and said “Shica, I think your heart is made of ice”. Now, to be completely honest I did not know how to take that and was a bit taken aback. I took a deep breath and said, “Tonight I’m going to let you in my world. It’s a bit sad yet happy but it’s how I keep going”.

I told her I was never one to believe fairy tales and pixie dust; I never had dreams of Prince Charming coming to kiss and awaken me or a knight and shinning armor coming to rescue me because I never needed it. I have always told people that I expect exactly whatever it is that you are going to do, which means I expect nothing! That being said, I have liked, lust, and dare I say been deep in love! This statement must have shocked her because now all the questions came….like when I go out to events why I never bring anyone along, why I do not invite them to gatherings at the house, or why I never really discuss the person until it is over. Therefore, I explained I do not like to rush into things; if possible, I will drag it out until I am sure of you, I do not want to waste my time or theirs. You know I do not jump into things head first and risk being paralyzed by the things that are right in front of my face. You see I have dated many not know to close family or friends, but you best believe when I’m heading out I have told one person just in case I come up missing…And I’m for real about that.

The person(s) I am dating will know all about those close to me because eventually I plan to introduce them to the most important people in my life. There is no need to tell my fam or friends about them until I plan to bring them around and as far as discussing them everyday all day that’s not important to me…what’s important is how I feel about them and often times the world could careless about that so what’s the point?

Nevertheless, this year, oh this year, I had to admit to her that I fell! Somewhere along the line, I tripped and I fell hard so no my heart is not made of ice and if it is it was beginning to melt away. While I can say I wasn’t deep in love, but it was love there; I had to admit that when I gave up everyone and everything for this one person I did not communicate what I wanted or need from him I just gave up, walked away, and cried to myself because I miss him.

My advice to her, do not look to me as an example because not everything that glitters is gold. The smile you often see hides emotions that only I know. When you are in your 20’s it’s cool to run the streets, club hop, and run to every Joe, Nick, and Tay, but you will grow tired of that life and realize it’s time to grow up, open up, and be honest with yourself and others. If you love him and you truly want to be with him tell him how you feel. Tell him all the things that bother you but tell him all the good things you love about him. Nevertheless, be ready to hear all the things that he has to say. Remember it is a two way street, be considerate of his feelings and know that there will be consequences to your actions…This is something that I am slowly learning!

The three L’s, LIKE, LUST, LOVE, will often cause trouble either good or bad but only you can determine if it’s a failure or success.

"Some people walk into our lives for a brief moment, some people walk into our lives to stay, but they all leave footprints in our hearts." You determine if you want to be that moment, season, or lifetime.